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Some situations in Library and Patrons

Situations
Funny Meanings
On opening up the library first thing in the morning This library
stinks. It must be all the mouldy books - or is it the patrons?
For patron offering lame excuses about a damaged book Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
Patron:"You said that I could have [...] today. You even wrote it
down in that book. This is the third time I've asked for it. I want
to see someone in charge.
I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Patron: "I can't find it. It wasn't where you said it was.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Patron queries directions numerous times: Baby, Sweetheart, would I lie to you?
Previous patron returns, asks same question again I think that you are very annoying.
This book sucks There is no book so bad that it is not profitable in some
part.(Pliny Minor)
On sending out overdue notices: Read 'em and weep
On having to eject a patron: You're the
weakest link, goodbye!
On being confronted by a huge backlog of
cataloging/shelving/processing/etc
I came, I saw, I want to go home.
In response to having a mistake pointed out to you No mortal is wise all the time.
In response to general abuse or name-calling That's nothing - in a previous life
I was a Roman Emperor.
To obnoxious young patrons In the good old days,
children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
To obnoxious older patrons If
Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar
To anyone complaining about your use of latin: Oh! Was I speaking
Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
To anyone responding in Latin You've
been misusing the subjunctive.
On being repremanded by the boss for using Latin to abuse
patrons
The devil made me do it!
Biblia's Tagline for emails: Lacking anything witty to say,
instead I offer this tagline in Latin

Some quotes:

"Mention of 'a quiet corner in a library' was a code for sexual ecstasy." (Ian McEwan, Atonement)

"I don't like libraries and I don't like dealing with librarians. They say they want change, but what they want is what they had in the past." (Frank Gehry)

"They say that reading is dead, but it isn't. It's just ... uh ... pathologically crippled." (Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, 14 July 2004)

"A.J. is a genius. You'll never be able to out-library him." (Wanda, Fairly OddParents)

 

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